Life is Really Good at Not Going as Planned

I began Sarah Grapes with the intent of it being a fashion blog, though I think we both know that it's not. What began as makeup reviews and winter coffee photo shoots, has now turned into a messy website that harbors all of my jumbled thoughts and life adventures. I'm not in any way disappointed that this has not gone as planned. (Though I really don't know why you read my messy words and opinions...maybe some people actually find me interesting!) It just goes to show how incredibly difficult it is to plan things in life.



Life has thrown me some curve balls, whatever that means. I really don't know that much about baseball, but that's an expression I hear quite often and I believe it applies. One of the most recent curveballs involves my grand scheme of being a journalist; a fashion journalist if I'm being more precise. That, however, has changed.

Ever since sixth grade,  I "knew" I wanted to be a journalist. However, I think my mistake was that I knew I wanted to be a writer, I just didn't exactly know what kind so I went with journalism. Because of this, I found comfort in being so sure about what I'd go to college for and what I'd do with my life. I mean this whole blog was even an attempt at what I thought was "journalism."

Then I scheduled myself for the Advanced Journalism class at school and began writing for my school's newspaper only to discover that it is not for me. 

Don't get me wrong, my absolute adoration for words is still as strong as ever. After all, I still believe words to be the most beautiful things to exist on this planet. They are a pure form of art. But I just can't seem to find the art in writing facts. (I can hear the gasps of my fellow newspaper classmates right now) I thought all I wanted to do was write and it didn't matter what I was writing, just as long as I was doing it, but I was so incredibly wrong.

With my writing, I want to create. I want to create worlds and characters and poems and beautifully drawn images in people's minds using only twenty six letters and I don't feel like I can do that if I'm just reporting a story that's already happened. Where's the creativity if I'm stuck writing within the confines of realistic life?

I'm not bashing on journalism or journalists. I have seen amazing things accomplished through both. It's just strange to realize the thing I was once depending on turn out to be something I don't want. It's left me lost.

I find it difficult to interview people I don't know and to not be allowed to describe the way their hair flops over their left eye or that their voice was hoarse and exhausted from the excitement of last night. People don't care about the characterization because it doesn't apply to the story. I don't need to create anything when it already exists.

I find it difficult to not be able to just rant about my own personal experiences and opinions with absolutely no evidence or facts to back it up. Heck, I don't even know why I think and feel half the things I do!

I love my journalism class, but not because of journalism. I love the people I work with and I love my teacher. I love hearing about the going's on around the school and the world (just as long as I don't have to write about it haha). And I love that we all share this passion for writing.

In a way it's good that I've discovered this about myself. Now I can work towards finding what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I just don't know how or if I'm going to find it.

I know I suck at updating posts lately and there's absolutely no schedule I'm following right now, but just bear with me. Life has been unbelievably busy lately.

Thanks for reading,
Sarahxoxo